


The Sparrow

by wickedthoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aromantic Ruby, Bisexual Character, Brainwashing, Canon-Typical Violence, Dirty Talk, Existential Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Frottage, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memory Alteration, Mild Gore, Mind Control, Not Really Character Death, Time Travel, Torture, Tribadism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2719592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedthoughts/pseuds/wickedthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"No eye was on the sparrow. No eye was watching me."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sparrow

**Author's Note:**

> Title/Summary Quote from "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion
> 
> This is not the story I intended to write when I started, but it's the story that happened. I'm so sorry if it's darker than what you were expecting.

**November 2008**

There was a cabin Ruby knew of where she and Anna hid for over eight hours before regrouping with the Winchesters. Eight hours with nothing to do except get to know each other. It was awkward at first, but the more Anna talked with Ruby, the more the young woman who could hear angels found herself drawn to the big-hearted demon with the prickly exterior. Maybe it was the extreme situation they were in, emotions and adrenaline high, but after a few hours of sitting with Ruby on the lumpy couch Anna was overcome with the urge to bridge the gap between them and see how Ruby’s lips felt against her own. She thought she could see corresponding desire growing in Ruby’s eyes. In the way the demon looked at Anna’s face and down her slender body, unconsciously biting her plump bottom lip.

Ruby was fascinating. Demon. Witch. Fighter. Lover. Beautiful despite the howling black abyss of her true face that Anna could see flickering behind the human mask she wore. A human mask that was all her own; she’d possessed the body of a recently deceased woman. At Sam’s insistence, she’d confided in Anna, desperately trying to maintain her demon-cred, but that was all Anna needed to hear before she could pursue her desire. It was reckless, with a demon no less, but she’d never been shy when it came to sex. Stereotypical rebellious daughter from a religious family. Why should she get all prudish now? She’d probably be dead soon anyway. Even if she survived the demons coming for her, Anna’s future wasn’t looking too bright in her estimation. Twenty-three years old and her parents, friends, and doctors were convinced she was dangerously mentally ill. Not to mention the looming, honest-to-god, Biblical Apocalypse. What did she have to lose?

“I really want to kiss you right now,” she blurted out. “Can I?”

Ruby stopped lamenting the lack of salty food in the cabin’s pantry, eyes widening in surprise. Anna’s confidence faltered. Had she misjudged Ruby’s interest?

“I mean, if that’s okay?”

Ruby’s expression was inscrutable.

“Didn’t think you were into chicks. Way you were eye-fucking Dean and all.”

“Yeah, well, I’m bi,” Anna admitted, heart racing. “I like hot guys _and_ hot girls.”

Ruby took the compliment as intended. Her poker-face cracked into a genuine smile.

“I get that. I’m not about labels, but I guess I’m the same way. I’ll take sex however I can get it. With whoever I can get it from.”

“So- ?” Anna leaned forward. Ruby met her halfway. Their faces were so close. Ruby smelled overwhelmingly of sulfur, the perfume she wore did little to hide it. And why was that such a turn on?

“So, yeah,” Ruby smirked. “You can kiss me. For starters.”

Ruby’s lips were soft and tasted like citrus, discordant with her sulfurous, burnt match scent. Her skin was pliant under Anna’s exploring fingers once she’d shed her leather jacket, shirt, and bra. Anna barely registered her own clothes coming off, Ruby’s hands guiding her tight jeans from her slim hips. Ruby seemed obsessed with Anna’s hair, caressing the copper waves so they tossed around Anna’s face. Ruby’s hands were rougher than Anna’s, her complexion darker compared to Anna’s pale skin as they moved together, rolling gently from the couch and finding a position that worked for both of them. When they settled, Anna closed her eyes against the vertigo she was getting from the swirling black smoke that surrounded the other woman. They knelt together on the floor of the cabin in a pile of their discarded clothing, each woman’s thigh between the other’s, riding their cresting desire as they rutted against each other. Ruby came first, panting high-pitched and unrestrained. It took Anna longer to finish, but Ruby stayed with her the whole way, breathily whispering filthy things in her ear and playing with her small breasts, fingertips dancing over the dusky points of her nipples. Anna engulfed Ruby’s mouth with her own when she came, the demon’s words cut off as she swallowed Anna’s satisfied moans.

“Well, that was fun,” Ruby pulled her lips away and looked smugly up at the clock on the wall. “Good way to kill the time anyway.”

“Oh, shut up. I rocked your world.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetie.”

They held each other briefly on the carpeted floor, just until their heartbeats slowed and their afterglow faded. Ruby left soon after to retrieve the Winchesters. Anna was glad; she’d never been much of a cuddler. Ruby had been just as good as she’d imagined. Better. The most compatible person- or demon, whatever- Anna had ever been with. Anna had never been too big on love or romance, but she could almost see herself in a relationship with Ruby. She might be able to love her.

That was foolish, though, Anna reprimanded herself. Reminded herself of the gravity of her current situation. This had been a one-time, heat of the moment thing, nothing more. One more notch in her bedpost. Fleeting comfort from the demon who had saved her life and returned her lust. She’d get over it, Ruby probably already had.

She’d get over it. No matter how connected she felt to Ruby.

*

Later, when Pamela Barnes helped Anna regain her memories and she remembered that she had been an angel herself, Anna realized that of course she had been drawn to Ruby. They were surprisingly similar. A rebel angel and a rebel demon. Both alone in their human bodies while the rest of their kind borrowed and stole vessels, the souls of the previous occupants still rattling around inside. Both feeling more than they should have. Both choosing humanity.

Later still, her grace restored, Anna found out that had been a lie. Ruby had been working with Lilith for Lucifer all along. Anna found out too late to stop Ruby. Also found out too late that Heaven wanted Lucifer released before she’d been dragged back there. That should have been the end of it. She should have been able to shake her feelings for the demon. She was an angel again, for god’s sake, detachment should be easy for her. But her memories of her first life as an angel seemed skewed by her human perceptions. She’d remembered angelhood as cold and unfeeling, but that wasn’t true. The emotions were there, different, but there. She almost wished she couldn’t feel, that she was truly the cold marble statue she’d described to Dean.

Why wasn’t it easy? What was it about Ruby that intrigued her so?

*

**May 2009**

Anna couldn’t move or speak in the Hall of Judgment. She would not be allowed to defend herself; a mockery of the justice they claimed to represent. Perhaps it was for the best she was immobilized; the sting of Castiel’s betrayal would have made her knees buckle otherwise. There were seven other angels encircling her as she stood in the center of the bright Hall, all manifested in the forms of their human vessels. Anna could feel Heaven’s light searing against her flesh, not meant for this place. She wondered if the others could feel the same disconnect. If they did, they made no outward show of it.

Zachariah, as pompous an ass as Anna remembered, acted as Michael’s proxy. He made a grandiose speech full of words like “traitorous” and “disgraceful” and referred to her with her old name while Anna only half-listened. She was oddly calm. Unafraid. She studied the other angels, wavelengths of their massive true forms dancing over their diminutive human hosts as they observed her in turn. She knew Camael, Netzach, and Haniel from the old days, but their faces revealed neither fondness nor recognition. Jophiel and Thaddeus were strangers to her, though Thaddeus’ enjoyment of his duties as guard and torturer of the Ligatio were well known in Heaven. The final judge was entirely unknown to Anna. She took the form of a tall, middle-aged woman in a grey pant suit. Her true faces were murky, Anna could only make out the eight glowing eyes. Her human face was both soft and severe with startlingly blue eyes. The eyes of all the other angels, save Zachariah’s, seemed to slide over the unknown angel without focus and when Anna tried to concentrate on her she found it too difficult an endeavor.

“Public execution is the best course of action, I think,” Zachariah finished his tirade, voice oily smooth and borderline giddy with the prospect of his suggestion.

“Not the Ligatio?” Thaddeus didn’t bother to hide his bias. “That would seem more of a deterrent.”

“She is not beyond saving,” the unknown angel stared at Anna with an unblinking calculation that forced Anna to turn away. “I could easily correct the problem.”

“Yes, you probably could,” Zachariah sneered. “If that was deemed necessary. This one is little more than detritus cobbled together in human skin. Rebellious, oversexed- with both our brother’s vessel _and_ demon trash! Worse than Lucifer himself. She didn’t just disobey, she chose to become human. She doesn’t deserve saving.”

 _Maybe I don’t,_ Anna thought. Death seemed a mercy to her at the moment. The unknown angel bowed her human head in respect to Zachariah’s position.

“So we’re all in agreement- ?”

Zachariah looked around the Hall, daring the others to disagree with him. None did. Zachariah looked delightedly back at Anna, referring to her once again by that name she no longer wished to be called. She was Anna Milton now. She would die as Anna Milton. She thought, absurdly, of Ruby. Surely that wasn’t the demon’s true name, either, but a name she’d chosen for herself-

But why was she so fixated on Ruby? She wasn’t going to save Anna, not when her own family was condemning her to death. Castiel had betrayed her, and she was nothing more than an afterthought for the Winchesters and their demon double-agent.

“You are hereby sentenced to- ” Zachariah continued, when a high-pitched whine sounded through the Hall of Judgment. It cut off as soon as it had begun, but from the way Zachariah pressed a hand to his temple in pained concentration it was clear he could still hear it.

“Yes, sir?”

 _Michael,_ Anna realized, and she felt a thrill of fear for the first time since she’d been captured.

“But- !” Zachariah’s protest was interrupted by an admonishment from the senior Archangel. His eyes clenched shut and his hand massaged his forehead.

“Yes, sir,” he finished with arrant bitterness. “Of course.”

Zachariah opened his eyes.

“You’ve been granted a reprieve, if you can call it that. The big man apparently thinks you could still be useful. Naomi? She’s all yours.”

He dismissed all the angels except for the one Anna now knew was called Naomi. The other five disappeared in a cacophony of beating wings.

“What am I to re-educate her for?” Naomi asked Zachariah.

“Just get her back into fighting shape, we’ll give you the specifics later.”

“Yes, sir.”

Zachariah stalked away, ram face glaring at Anna over his shoulder before his wings spread and carried him from the Hall. Now it was just Anna and Naomi. Anna still couldn’t look directly at the mysterious angel, and her fear grew.

“Come with me.”

Naomi addressed her by her old name, long human legs carrying her forward with the click of stiletto heels, and Anna found that she could speak again.

“It’s Anna now,” she said as she moved to attack the other woman. She didn’t get very far.

“AVABH”

The Enochian rolled sweetly off the angel’s human tongue while her shadowy faces roared and bleated in harmony. Anna instantly stopped her assault, standing up straight, arms at her sides, in perfect military position. Naomi walked directly in front of her, blurring in and out of Anna’s unblinking gaze.

“It’s nice to see that my work endures,” Naomi brushed the hair from Anna’s forehead, studying her like a specimen in a lab. “Through falling, humanity, all those changes you brought upon yourself, and your triggers remain in place. Fascinating. This will be fascinating.”

“What- why- who- ?” Anna couldn’t form a cohesive sentence, try as she might. She didn’t understand what was happening.

“Anna, hmm? Yes, we can work with that for now. Come with me, Anna.”

Naomi put a hand on Anna’s shoulder and pulled her along in the wake of her flight. Anna didn’t resist. She couldn’t.

*

Just like in Hell, time in Heaven moved differently than on Earth. Anna wasn’t sure how long she’d been there- twenty minutes or twenty years. All she was sure of was the fear and the pain.

“It only hurts if you fight me,” Naomi admonished her regularly. She sounded regretful about it.

Anna wasn’t sure how she could help but fight. She could barely remember a time when she hadn’t been strapped to this chair in Naomi’s brightly lit office. She’d climbed in herself when ordered, sat still while Naomi strapped down her arms and legs.

“I find it so much easier to work with envesseled angels,” Naomi confided in her as she arranged intimidating tools on a rolling metal tray. “And you’re alone in there, aren’t you? That body was created for you.”

She shook her head.

“Fascinating,” she repeated.

 _Ruby,_ Anna thought. Simple word association. Fascinating meant _Ruby._ The buzzing had started then, quickly followed by the pain.

“Ruby? Hmm.”

 _No,_ Anna thought. _That’s mine, you don’t get to have that._

“Demons are such disappointing lovers,” Naomi had almost sounded as if she were speaking from experience. “Is she truly the last anchor you have?”

_No, there’s- humanity. Sex. Love. Food. Warmth. Comfort. Friendship. And her. Not just her, but yes, her. Ruby._

“She’s dead, you know. Lucifer is free, and she was instrumental in that. All the memories you have of her, they were built on lies.”

 _You would know about lies._ Anna tried to ignore the sharp stab of grief that accompanied the revelation of Ruby’s death.

“Let’s go further, then,” Naomi ignored Anna’s jab. “Find out why she means so much to you. Perhaps we can use that.”

More buzzing. More pain.

*

Anna and Ruby were on the couch again, hands fumbling, lust swelling. The clock on the wall ticked the seconds away as they fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Anna was aware of every sensation in a way she hadn’t been the first time. Sex, even the memory of sex, seemed better as an angel. How ironic.

“You were only intimate one time, compelled by human emotions and hormones, and yet you still obsess over this- creature? I don’t understand.”

_I wouldn’t expect you to. You couldn’t._

“It’s not love,” Naomi mused. “It’s something else.”

_What would you know about love?_

Ruby was grinding erratically against Anna’s thigh. Her wetness smelled so wonderful and felt so right against Anna’s skin.

“I’ll just have to erase her completely.”

_You can try._

Ruby was coming, her breathy whimpers sending more blood surging down to fuel Anna’s arousal. She groaned.

“No one’s ever made me come so hard,” Ruby whispered clichéd dirty talk, tongue flicking inside Anna’s ear. “Did you like that, baby? Did you like when I rubbed my dripping pussy all over your leg?”

“This means nothing,” Naomi told Anna like she was explaining something mundanely obvious. “It’s not about you. Your pleasure makes her feel powerful.”

_Yeah, that’s part of the fun._

“Don’t stop, baby,” Ruby continued in the memory. “Come for me now. Come all over me.”

The memory of her orgasm overwhelmed Anna. It billowed and surged, taking her breath away.

“This means nothing,” Naomi repeated while Anna recovered her faculties. “You’ll see.”

 _Just keep telling yourself that-_ Then the fear that this would be stolen from her hit Anna like a sucker punch. _Please don’t take her away from me!_

“Shh. It’s for the best. Don’t fight me.”

Buzzing. Pain.

_Please._

Darkness.

*

Anna regained awareness slowly. It felt like she was swimming up from a great depth, breaking the surface to take gulping lungfuls of consciousness. She barely registered her surroundings, human eyes squinting at the bright blur. She could hear voices talking outside the periphery of her vision. Naomi, and what sounded like Zachariah.

“I’ve been making progress with her,” Naomi sounded angry. “And now he wants to throw it all away?”

“You know to question him is to question our Father. Are you questioning him, Naomi?”

Zachariah’s good-natured facade slipped into icy malice. The threat hung in the air.

“Of course not. Sir.”

“I didn’t think so,” Zachariah chuckled.

“It’s just- it’s such a waste of her. Of her gifts. I know I can make her better.”

“That’s not for you to decide. Have her ready to carry out the mission as soon as possible.”

“Yes, sir,” Naomi said in resignation. Anna heard the door open and close as Zachariah left. Stiletto heels clicked toward her. Anna knew she should feel something about this, but she couldn’t. The word _mission_ took root in her mind. _What mission?_

“You get to be the sacrificial lamb in some convoluted plan to make Michael’s true vessel say ‘yes,’” Naomi answered her unspoken question. “Such trouble with that one. I’d love to get him in my chair. I’ve never reprogrammed a human before, and he’d be so much happier if he only embraced his destiny.”

She waved her brain probe in Anna’s general direction. Anna flinched. Naomi looked at her speculatively.

“Yet, I wonder. Why her and not him? You connected emotionally with both, became intimate with both, but he didn’t make the same impression on your psyche. Why?”

 _Dean,_ Anna realized. _She’s talking about Dean. And- and-_

_Ruby._

Memories returned.

“No, I didn’t think I’d dug deeply enough,” Naomi sighed. “I suppose I can use her still. It’s good that I didn’t manage to eradicate her. It’s good that it was her, and not Michael’s vessel. For whatever reason that was. It will make this easier.”

_How will that make it easier? You don’t understand why, and you never will. How could you understand, when I don’t understand it myself?_

“I am truly sorry,” Naomi ignored Anna’s outburst. Her apology sounded sincere. “I did not want this for you, for any of us. We- we should not kill each other, unless one threatens the safety of the whole. Unless I simply cannot fix them. And I know I could have fixed you.”

_I’m not a- a machine. You can’t **fix** me, or any of us._

“I am sorry,” Naomi repeated. The device in her hand whirred to life. Anna could already feel the pain beginning in her eye, even though the probe hadn’t touched her yet.

_So that’s it? You’re going to kill me?_

“Yes, essentially,” Naomi answered cryptically. “Though not here or now.”

The answer provided Anna little comfort, only more questions and fears. As an angel there was nothing waiting for her on the other side. No Heaven, no Hell, no Purgatory. Nothing, forever. Game over. Energy returned to the universe. She hadn’t thought of that when she’d taken her grace back, let it consume her human soul. She’d never see her parents, the rest of her extended family, or her friends again. All her memories, her hopes and fears, gone. If Ruby was dead, she was gone, too. Demons had no after-afterlife either. She’d never see the demon again, never be able to ask her why, get her side of the story. Their time in the cabin would be gone, too. The only two beings who knew about it wouldn’t be around to keep it alive. She was more afraid of that than of her own death.

_Has anything I’ve ever done mattered?_

“You’re not thinking about it properly, Anna. We are cogs in the divine order. Playing our part is all that matters. That was what you never understood. Now you never will.”

The pain began. Anna screamed for the first time. Her stoicism had been as useless as her defiance, and besides, it felt good to scream. She couldn’t do anything else.

*

Anna was back in the cabin, but it wasn’t like before. It was dark, inside and out. The lumpy couch had been slashed and upended. The walls were splashed with blood; red smeared over the face of the clock. Ruby lay face-up on the carpet, vicious knife wounds in her stomach. Her eyes were open, looking up at Anna. Naomi stood at Anna’s side.

“They did this, you know. The Winchesters. The younger held her arms behind her back while the older stabbed her with her own knife, twisted it, over and over again.”

_Stop._

“This could all have been averted if Lucifer had no vessel waiting for him. You could still make it right. All you have to do is kill Sam Winchester.”

_Why? Will killing Sam bring her back? No, I won’t do it._

The scene changed. It was still the cabin, but the blood and destruction were gone, as was Naomi. Anna and Ruby sat on the couch, lips locked, beginning the first exploratory touches of the other’s body. The door was kicked in with a loud crash and before Anna could react, Sam Winchester was pulling Ruby off her. He spun the demon around to where Dean waited, jagged knife clutched in his hand. He plunged the blade into Ruby’s belly once, twice, the crackle of red light signifying the destruction of Ruby’s essence. Anna screamed in horror. Sam tossed Ruby to the floor like garbage, and then he and Dean were rounding on Anna, advancing with murder in their eyes-

The scene shifted once more. Anna and Ruby were on the couch again, kissing, groping, but when the door came down Anna pulled herself away from the demon. She was an angel, two humans were no match for her. In less than a second their corpses lay splayed on the ground with smoldering holes where their eyes had been and Anna turned back to Ruby.

“Jesus, that was really fucking hot,” the demon licked her lips.

“Yeah?” Anna couldn’t feel regret about taking lives when Ruby was looking at her like that. Lucifer and Michael would resurrect them, anyway.

“Yeah.”

Ruby’s eyes were blown with lust. Anna embraced her, tucking her face into the crook of Ruby’s neck, nipping gently at her neck. Ruby moaned.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Naomi asked, appearing suddenly. Ruby disappeared when Anna turned to look at her sister. Naomi was looking down at the Winchesters’ bodies with a faint smile on her lips.

_This isn’t real- **they’re** not real- of course it wasn’t hard._

“You’re doing so well,” Naomi smiled at her and vanished. Anna felt a shiver run down her spine.

The scene changed.

*

In time, it was only Sam who kicked down the door. Sam who grabbed at Ruby to take her away from Anna. Sam who lay dead on the floor while Ruby and Anna fucked in the aftermath of his assault. Over and over again. It had something to do with Lucifer, Anna was sure. It was unfortunate, but for the best. Without Sam, Lucifer would have no foothold in the world. The Apocalypse could be averted, the world saved, Ruby hers.

 _That doesn’t make sense!_ something in her screamed. But the more Sams she killed, the quieter her thoughts became. Bodies piled in the cabin, more than she cared to count, but she forgot about them when Ruby touched her.

*

The voices floated around her, over her, through her. She didn’t recognize them, but a part of her thought she should. Another part of her told her it didn’t matter. That was the part that won.

“Is she ready?”

“Yes.”

Pride and sadness mingled in the second voice. Ruby was biting Anna’s earlobe, worrying it softly with her teeth while she growled playfully.

“Good,” said the first voice, smug and oily smooth. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

*

 _Sam Winchester has to die,_ Anna thought as she kissed Ruby. She didn’t know why, only that it was of utmost importance. _He has to die and I have to make sure Lucifer can’t ever bring him back._

She was in Naomi’s office- no, wait, that wasn’t right. Who was Naomi? She was in a warded cell in the Ligatio, where she’d been since her sentencing in the Hall of Judgment. Her head ached, her thoughts were a mess. She’d been here too long, she had to get out. She had to get out and stop the Devil.

*

**January 2010**

She’d escaped the Ligatio. It had never been done before, but somehow she’d done it. Thaddeus was getting sloppy. She hadn’t even had to kill him, and for that she was grateful. It was bad enough she had to kill Sam Winchester- _Why, again?-_ she didn’t want any more blood on her hands. She remembered killing Uriel in defense of Castiel, leaving afterward to grieve alone. She laughed bitterly at the memory. She’d killed one brother for another brother who’d then betrayed her.

Anna tried to bypass Castiel entirely, going to find Dean in a dream when she couldn’t pinpoint either his or Sam’s location. She could tell Dean still trusted her as she talked with him, his lust fading from the ridiculous stripper dream she’d interrupted. She felt a rush of fondness for him, though it stung that he hadn’t thought to look for her or even ask about her in her absence. He was on Cas’ side now. And he’d killed Ruby. Her affection cooled.

The address she’d given Dean was dark save for a few fluorescent lights crackling overhead. She made her plan of attack, knife clutched in her small hand. It would be easy to come up behind the brothers, stab Sam in the back, twist, and then fly his body away, scatter it cell by cell across the universe before Dean even realized what had happened. Guilt flickered in her chest, but- _Sam Winchester has to die._

That was what she told Castiel when he appeared alone in the warehouse, light bulbs exploding around him and plunging them into total darkness. He surprised her then. He put his friend’s life above the greater good. She was actually proud of him, despite being hurt that he was choosing others over her once again. But he was finally making his own choices, rebelling against Heaven just like she had. Just like she was. Heaven wanted the Apocalypse and she had to stop it the only way she knew how.

“ -you come near Sam Winchester and I’ll kill you,” Cas warned her. She believed him.

_But Sam Winchester still has to die. Find another way._

_**Why? This isn’t you, Anna! This isn’t you!** _

She clutched at her head. Something like concern flickered over Castiel’s face, but Anna was gone before he could say anything more. He had just threatened to kill her. She was done with him. She was done with her entire family.

_Sam Winchester has to die. There are other ways to do that. You could go to an earlier point in history. Find him as a child, an infant. Find his mother and father, make sure he’s never born._

Anna hovered in the in-between, electromagnetic waves oscillating around her. She wished she could stay here, merge with the light, but they could still find her here. Heaven, Cas, someone would come for her. She couldn’t linger.

_No, you can’t. Sam Winchester has to die._

(I know!) Anna screamed soundlessly into the particles of ultraviolet light. (I know!)

_This is your choice. Your own free will. Sam Winchester has to die. For the world. For the humans you love so dearly. For her._

**Ruby.**

And that was it. That pleasant voice in her head, with its straightforward logic, that wasn’t her. That had never been her, in all her millions of years. She had never been like her family. She hadn’t known what she was, until she’d seen the humans. That was what she was. Human. That was what she chose to be. Anna unfurled her wings, burning spheres within spheres.

_What are you doing Anna?_

She didn’t remember who the voice belonged to, but it didn’t matter. She remembered enough.

(You failed. You failed because you thought I was an angel, you treated me like an angel, but that’s not what I am. I’m human, I became human, and I’ll never be anything else.)

_And where are you going?_

Anna smiled.

(To an earlier point in history, like you suggested. Feel free to tag along. You’re going to get your wish. I’m going to find out why. Why her.)

 _We lost her-_ the voice was fading now. _I’m sorry, sir. We lost her-_

Anna gathered her thoughts- thoughts that were all her own now- and focused on the cabin from two years ago. Focused on Ruby. She bent time and space, clawing her way towards her destination. It was difficult without the power of Heaven behind her, but she could do it. She had her humanity to fuel her. Sam Winchester would not die by her hand. She tossed the intruding thought away into the void as she flew to find her anchor.

*

**November 2008**

Ruby walked out the front door of the cabin, still flushed and glowing, a small grin on her face. It was replaced by confused panic when she found Anna waiting for her. Anna had already been there for a few hours, regaining her strength after the drain of her time jump.

“Fucking hell! What the- ?”

Ruby’s dark hair swept around, the tendrils of smoke from her true face making it seem longer as she whirled her head toward the cabin, then back to the Anna standing in front of her.

“Yeah,” Anna smiled apologetically. “Turns out I’m an angel. I’m from the future, the me in there doesn’t know yet. She will soon.”

“Holy shit, I just did an angel,” Ruby’s eyes bulged. Then her face twisted into a wicked smile. “Heh, awesome. Hot lady demon-on-angel action.”

“Well, I’m not really like the other angels. Just like you’re not really like the other demons.”

“Uh-huh. So, um, you here to smite me or what?”

“Maybe I should. Seeing as you’re going to free Lucifer.”

“I am?” Ruby’s smile widened. “It works? Awesome.”

“Why?”

“Why _what?”_ Ruby was genuinely baffled. “Why would a demon want to free her Father-God? That’s kind of a stupid question.”

“He doesn’t care about you, you know. He lets you die.”

“I die. Okay,” Ruby processed the information with a shrug, but Anna saw the fear flash in her eyes. “Aren’t you fucking up the timeline or whatever by telling me all this?”

“Do you think I give a damn?”

“I really don’t know anything about you, sweetie. ‘Cept that you’re a pretty decent lay.”

But Ruby’s affected bad girl indifference was slipping. Anna saw the demon she was fascinated by. The demon who had anchored her.

“Come with me, Ruby. Screw them all. Let’s write our own ending.”

“Um, yeah, thanks but no thanks. Like I said, I don’t even know you.”

“You could.”

“Why? Why do you care so much? Oh god, don’t tell me you’re in love with me in the future or some bullshit.”

Anna paused. Thought about that word. All that it meant.

“Maybe I am.”

“Nah,” Ruby shook her head disdainfully. “You don’t love me. You can’t love me. You don’t know me.”

“What if I do?”

“No,” Ruby was certain. “You don’t.”

Anna knew the demon was right, and she panicked.

“Then- why? Why you? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about you? Why did your memory save me?”

“The fuck should I know?”

Anna sank to the ground, sitting back on her haunches in the dead leaves. After a moment, with a roll of her eyes and an exaggerated sigh, Ruby sat beside her, keeping a careful distance between them.

“Look, sweetie, I don’t know what happens between us in the future- ”

“That’s just it! Nothing happens. In less than a week, I get my grace back and I never see you again. In six months, you die freeing Lucifer _and I never see you again.”_

“Wow, that’s kind of pathetic. I must’ve really blown your mind in there.”

“I don’t know why. I need to know.”

“You really aren’t like the other angels are you?” Ruby brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, looking out into the trees. “I mean, that’s so _human._ I should know, I used to be human. Sometimes I still feel human, but I’m working on that.”

She looked at Anna, who turned her head to look into Ruby’s dark eyes.

“Maybe there isn’t a reason for everything. Maybe we just came together in that one moment and something in your brain latched onto it for no greater reason than because it _could.”_

Anna didn’t want to believe it. That something that held such meaning for her was simply the result of synapses firing in the throes of passion. That the moment that meant everything to her meant next to nothing to the demon she’d shared it with. She wondered what the mysterious voice would have thought of that. Would they have been as frustrated as Anna? Or would they have simply made a note of it in their file and moved on, chalking it up to the distasteful idiosyncrasies of humanity?

“Look, I gotta go,” Anna jumped when Ruby put a hand on her knee and Ruby put her hands up disarmingly. “I gotta get the dumbasses back here so we can figure out where to take the little human version of you next.”

“That’s- that’s it? You’re just going to let this play out? Even though you die? Even though it turns out Lucifer doesn’t love you at all?”

Ruby stood, brushing dirt and leaves from her jeans. Her true form churned around her.

“Never been too big on love anyway. ‘Sides, why wouldn’t I let this play out exactly the same? You told me that I succeed. Now all gotta do is pretend I don’t know that.”

“But- ”

“This is what I want, Anna. I’m willing to die for this, always have been. Maybe my God doesn’t have the same level of devotion for me as I do for him, but I promised to serve him anyway. For myself, for Lilith, for all my kind.”

“I’ll stop you.”

Anna’s threat sounded feeble in her ears. Ruby spread her arms wide.

“Then stop me.”

They both knew Anna wouldn’t. After a long moment Ruby lowered her arms. Her smile was triumphant, but not unkind.

“That’s what I thought. But, you know, you can still tag along for the ride if you want. I’m not gonna promise you exclusivity, but if you wanna hook up again I’m down.”

Ruby didn’t wait for an answer. She walked off into the trees while Anna remained on the ground staring after her. She didn’t know what to do. She was free again. On the run from Heaven, but free. She could go anywhere, do anything. Why was it her responsibility to stop Lucifer?

It wasn’t, but she knew she’d keep trying. It was who she was. She also knew that if it came to a choice between Ruby and the world, she might just choose the demon. Even if her feelings meant nothing to Ruby or to anyone else in the grand scheme, they meant something to her. They always would. Anna stood, raised her face to the afternoon sky, and breathed deeply. She was terrified, and it was exhilaratingly human. She took off after Ruby through the trees.

“Wait!”

She’d be the angel on Ruby’s shoulder from now on. She’d take Ruby up on her offer, and maybe- maybe she’d convince the demon to leave Lucifer imprisoned. Maybe she’d screw up the timeline so irrevocably that the future she’d come from would never exist.

Or maybe she’d keep jumping back to this moment in time. To the cabin and her demon, her locus, over and over again. Until she finally got it right.


End file.
